Loving Life Blog

Spur of the Moment Reflections

Strong + Independent = Intimidating ? October 15, 2010

OK – I realize that I have a few loose ends hanging now from previous posts, stay tuned – I will follow up on those too. If I could, I would write full time, given the amount of content processing in my head… So to the subject of today:

At the last two events I have been to, I have heard the similar message coming out of the blue – and yesterday I got curious to hear what other people would say, so I posted the following on twitter and facebook:

Guy friend stated that guys are intimidated by gals who are strong and independent. Would you agree?

8 tweets and 14 comments later – this is what I got:

Yes:                                  3 (2 twitter/1 facebook)

No:                                   1 (1 twitter)

Only weak guys:           4 (1 twitter/3 facebook)

Depends:                        1 (facebook)

The answer “depends” stated something worth thinking about for many “strong and independent” gals:

It depends what you are strong against and who you are independent from. Relationships are about a kind of complementarity and sometimes you need to help the other see where you would like him to fit in your life. But for that, you need to make room first 🙂

Now, my comment to that is: room might actually be made – but it also needs to be communicated in a way so that it is understood and felt prioritized.

I can give you a clear example from my very first relationship back in the days. I was then, probably like now ;O, involved in a dozen of different things – there was school, dance, the competitive choir, the student association project 1, the student association project 2…, my family, grandma, the personal development course, friends, and ALL other time was free available and unscheduled for me and my boyfriend. In my mind. He didn’t quite see that.

Hopefully I have learnt my lesson, but the fact that someone who barely knows me now points out just that, makes me wonder. OR it is just a very common phenomenon.

To go back to the original question – I do believe that some guys may be intimidated by perceived strong and independent gals. Also looks. And in those cases I think a big mistake is done. I know that we have all strong and weak sides. What if we perfectly complement each other!? What if we all cherish, love and appreciate our – and others – strong sides, while being aware and allow for exploring, strengthening, playing with the weak…

I don’t know about you all – but I am starting to get tired to play small in many situations. And the more I speak to people, listen to people, coach people, and see the gems that are there inside… gotta bring it out guys and gals. Focus on the good stuff. In all occasions.  Each and one of us have a gift. Complementing someone else.

So Eva – you asked the question what I think. That’s it.

I’d like to share this song with you all. Read or sing it also as a message from and to yourselves. It’s called “Love me”, music written by Benny Andersson from ABBA – the next version below has the English subtitles – I just couldn’t resist this one. For a few reasons… till the end.

Here is the song with English subtitles.

And… this is the last input I got on facebook – thanks Lior – let’s join the song! 🙂 What is there to be afraid of anyway?

Peace out ;),

J

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